當自己的孩子(1)

6月8日,天氣晴好,我離開朋友的海邊住宅,坐上一路飛馳的海邊巴士。藍天碧海,遠處的高樓與近在眼前的青馬大橋交相掩映,生命以一種讓人欣喜的力量與美感展入眼簾,耀得你想飛躍。如果這是生命的第一天,鋪在前面的還有什麼在等待著我去創造?距離33歲,只剩下半年了,有什麼禮物可以送給那個新生的我呢?

親愛的亮亮:

過去的年月里,你的懶散與自由,曾帶給你無比的快樂,旁人永遠不可奪走。在這層被柏林稱為“退隱於內心的堡壘”的偽自由裏面,你可以幾乎不理會世俗的眼光與評價,獲得了慵懶但卻絕非偽裝的幸福。靠著些許的小聰明,偶爾的奮鬥,以及幸運,獲得了世俗意義上的所謂小成就。但今天,或者回視過去的幾個月,再設想將來的生活,又當如何呢?住在這個現代而偏遠的郊區,做著喜歡又輕鬆的工作,過著單調又平靜的生活,房子滿足了你的大部分物質慾望,甚至連情感上的羈絆與渴求都更加淡薄,人世間還有什麼在等著呢?但這種不滿足是真實的。

在很多很多年前,我就想著一個問題:如果我們生活中所有的煩惱都被消除後,我們當說些什麼做些什麼呢?所以也許有點明白世俗碌碌。終其一生,為自己設置一些慾望、一些目標、一些活著之所以活著的事務。也許不是終極的,卻是不可或缺的。

所以孩子,要做什麼呢?如果這是你生命的第一天?而今天已經是第三天。碌碌地過了兩天。

 

 

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