這麼近,那麼遠

那麼長的糾結中,只用文字記下了這麼少的幾個鏡頭。而今縱然一切依然栩栩如生,卻已無從說起。

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Spanish Guitar2013-06-17

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見不到你的今日,我還是平靜歡欣地去跟朋友吃了飯、然後一個人去聽了音樂會,帶著昨晚留下的滿身疲憊。這一年來,每次看到中環夜景,就會想到去年第一次跟你吃飯後的散步,從那時起,這個城市逐步充滿了你的存在,並漸漸真實起來。今晚也是如此。晚上的白雲悠悠然地飄過去,IFC似乎要朝我倒過來。

這是我第一次聽吉他演奏會,一位西班牙演奏家,似乎譽滿全球。今年69歲,半個世紀前,就跟他爸爸、以及兩位弟兄組成了家族吉他演奏組合,很有趣,不是嗎?不過,去之前,我只期待它能放鬆我的疲憊,忘掉你片刻,甚至入睡。可惜,今晚觀眾反映太熱烈,每首曲子奏完都響起雷鳴般的掌聲。當然,他很棒,指法快得猶如無影手,用到了許多吉他彈奏技巧——雖然我全然不懂吉他,曲子也是一首都沒聽過,但某些時刻,他還是把我帶到了西班牙的街頭小巷的某個角落,風飄在陽光中,叮叮咚咚的聲音從他面前的碗飄出來。謝幕估計謝了十次以上,還ENCORE了四首曲子,是我在香港所看的幾十場演出中,反應最熱烈的一次。可惜你沒來——來了估計也跟我一樣困,但也許,你會有興趣看各種場景?

ENCORE的最後一首,是演奏者的爸爸為他媽媽所譜的第一首樂曲。我實在不是太浪漫的人,但若有人也如此為我做點什麽、或者我也為誰做點什麽,想像起來,確實是莫大的幸福——不過,這好像不是你的風格,至於我,好像也就只能期盼為你做飯。真是煞風景。三年前的國慶晚上,也是在中環大會堂,一個人去聽了我最愛的交響樂曲。結束之後,在地鐵站看到了一對老夫妻,相依扶進地鐵,口裡還哼著剛演奏的旋律,這一幕也一直存留在我腦袋。

兩個人的相處有很多種模式,只要誠心摯意,甘之如飴,就是最幸福的伴侶。這些生活中的美好時刻,並不見得都要同時經歷——並且,我以為,也很難真的完全理解共鳴——我不在意這些,生活比這個豐富得多。可是,無論我多麼欣賞喜歡你,如果沒有絲毫讓你欣賞喜歡,又何從開始?

觀眾席中,有一位男生,對著演奏,笑得乾淨溫暖,讓人看著舒心。可是,我卻總忘不了你低著頭露出的笑,嘲諷卻又包容,恍如永遠是個世界旁觀者。真的太能想像了,其實,我老記不起你的臉。

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