學生L打來電話,語調興奮:“Miss,我找到工作了!”

楞了一會兒後,我終於反應過來,心裏一塊石頭稍微落地。這一年多來,總是很怕接到她的電話,這是第二次有好消息,上一次是她跟我說她能走路了,但後來很快又惡化,重新坐到輪椅上。

L是小腦萎縮癥患者,這個病癥經<一公升的眼淚>浸洗之後,相信很多人都不陌生,至於我,以及身邊的一群朋友,卻在更早的一次殘酷事件後,得知這是種沒有明天的病。沒有明天,哦,這是校長把我叫進辦公室跟我說:“以後你來當L的班主任”後,我的第一想法。此後,每次對著輪椅上的L,我心裏總壓不住這個念頭,不知道要跟她說些什麽,講海倫·凱勒的勵志故事嗎?我只能微笑著對她,聽著坐在輪椅上的她描述各種各樣的折磨。

這些用言語呈現的病痛與心理折磨,在教她的前一年,我已在一個羸弱的男生的作文裏面看過。比起坐輪椅的她,這個男孩表面上看起來稍微幸運,只是截了一條腿,還能撐著拐杖,背著沉重的書包,一拐一拐風雨無阻地上學。他患的是另外一種絕癥,作文裏面總是充斥著血腥的手術場面,與此相伴的,是各種的掙扎、自我鼓勵或者求救。我常常只能對這些聲音做一些無關痛癢的回應,無能無力。

無能無力地看著他們,這大概是我三年之內與他們相處的心態。有時L會興奮地拉著我到大廳,彈奏《夢中的婚禮》給我聽;或者朗誦一首英文詩,聲情並茂;而更多時候,都是推著她的電動輪椅,在午飯時間來教職員辦公室,找我傾訴,或者向我請假回家。教L的兩年之內,其實大概只見到她一年的時光,另外一年,她都請假在家,或者直接進醫院了。這已是我能接受、甚至期盼的最好情況。最怕是突然有老師或者學生跑來:你班XXX又暈倒了,或者找不到XXX了。出現這種情況,總是一陣的兵荒馬亂,打電話叫救護車,或者動員學生四處尋找,並且,繼續無能為力。現在已經不太記得第一次處理她暈倒時的恐慌了。倒是其中有一次,也是在這樣陰冷的冬天早晨,沒吃早飯的她熱量太低,體力不支,休克昏迷過去。等救護車時,我只能握著她冰冷的雙手,看著她嘴唇漫漫泛青以至變白,怎麼叫也不回應。

這樣的場面後來竟然被習慣了。有些苦痛看得太多,情感回應也就那樣了,真正解決問題的是讓我敬佩萬分的醫院救護隊。他們總是在第一時間趕來,耐心地安撫或者查看L,把她由教室或者醫務室搬到救護車,再送到醫院,一個月或者幾個月後,再重複一遍這樣的行程。二年之內,這樣不斷地重複,他們對L,卻始終像我見到的第一次那樣耐心、專業。有時候我會很功利市儈地想:這樣不計成本的看護,難得他們能幾年如一日。

這種小人之心,是因為在小人橫行的環境下長大所致?或許在這個城市,所謂看護無外乎就是工作職責與專業行為,至於政府的公幣,本來就是用在這些地方的?跟救護人員一樣持之以恆的還有社工,幾年內,他們不斷地到醫院探病,與L的父母協調溝通,再到後來,也是他們幫L找到了現在第一份工作,甚至,還帶她參加野外訓練營,學習潛水!這讓我想起第一年到香港,看到地鐵或者街上有很多智力低下的人士,心裡暗暗奇怪:香港怎麼那麼多非正常人士?似乎在大陸沒怎麼見過?再後來想想,大概在大陸,他們會直接被安放在家裡、或者相關機構,因為不友好的公共設施或者社會環境。

我問L:“工作了一星期,開心嗎?同事怎麼樣?”

她說:“很開心,這裡的同事都特別好,帶我吃吃喝喝。”

“那你怎麼上班?”

“就用電動輪椅搭乘巴士啊。”接著她又調侃,“掛完電話,你可不要高興得哭了起來。”

其實我離一切已經太久了,想哭也哭不起來,高興倒是真的。活得比誰的不容易的她,能得到適當的接納與肯定,才能治愈她各種精神上的疾病——雖然肉體的折磨也許會繼續延續。我想起很多年前,有個男同學看完了《一公升的眼淚》說:要是現實中有個女孩真的得了這種病,如果她有女主角那麼漂亮,我也願意照顧。可是,生活不是童話,哪有那麼多漂亮的公主?

她說:“Miss,我寫了一本書,想請你寫序。”

我說:“你應該請XXX老師”。那真是一位讓我由衷佩服的蠟燭型老師。但是,對於所有人、特別是這些艱難的弱勢者,沒有任何人能真正庇護他們到永遠,比起一切蠟燭型的奉獻,或者(如果他們足夠漂亮或者英俊?)那些願意照料他們的人,一個健康的社會生存環境才是真正的出路。

她說:“我最高興的是,他們不介意我坐輪椅,願意請我工作。”

“這樣明天你比較有期待吧?”

“是啊!”

希望這樣的時光能延續。

 

 

 

 

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