gonna fly now!

akirose的这间房,怎样说谢也不足以表达的我的心。门倒是开了许久,只是忙碌的时候,会忙得没有思考、没有情感,没有生活,等到憋不住的时候,却又迟迟不能动手。

这两日,按koko的说法,被刷屏得厉害。我也被刷屏得厉害,但我没有评语。没错,很糟糕的,没有评语是我最近一直以来的大脑状态。愤青的、或者反造谣的,总之我都羡慕,羡慕所有有立场的人。除了当下的悲伤,我连愤怒都没有。

苏东坡感叹,存亡见惯浑无泪,而我这是怎么啦?冷血吗?

或许不是。我只是在想,那我们能做什么?通胀也好,贪污也好,专政也好,这都是我们的家。梁园虽好,终非久留之地,到头来,你的家最好。昨日在村子里晃,特意多用了一只眼睛看这个日渐破败的村庄。东家院落栽上了鲜花大树,西家墙垣上爬满了丝瓜葫芦,弃置的水井周边,鸡鸭依然觅食,老人们还是坐在墙根下。这是我们的家,这是我们的百姓。不为尧存,不因桀亡,他们以他们的方式苟延残存着、甚至生存或者生活着。当世界天翻地覆的时候,我妈妈跟她的工人们依然嘻哈笑骂地继续车她们的衣服,过着一天天的日子。

在台湾的时候,我常常感叹,多么破烂古老的地方啊,可是他们那么骄傲那么自豪拥有这个地方,那么用心地、天长地久地经营这片土地。经营民宿的夫妇本在台北工作,退休了回到台中乡下,自己整修破破烂烂的老房子,那些用了几十年的家具都融洽地继续住在房子。经营农庄的老农民最大的乐趣是挖掘田间的野草来发明新菜式,每道菜上来都骄傲无比地跟我们介绍这些曾经被当成猪食的野草如何的营养丰富。至于那首彰化艺术高中,则是日剧时期的军营改造而成的,却古朴幽雅得让人自豪。

我想起二十年前,爷爷常常坐在天井里修补破掉的家具,那个时候,家家户户总有家具破了,总有个爷爷或者伯伯在修修补补。叮叮叮,声音总在响,与蟋蟀鸣蝉一起飘荡,仿佛东西永远是破的,却又永远存在于你的视线中。然而,回首一瞬间,他们也都全部消失。有空间的农村,比如我们,将他们摆在老房子,送给蜘蛛当靠山;没空间的城市,让他们—-灰飞烟灭。

可我知道,早晚有一天,所有终将灰飞烟灭。村里的狗尾巴草大片大片地铺着,远远望去,也不逊色台南的绿,或者法国的紫。只是,他们也会不见的。昨日,又见挖房子大队从楼下经过,邻居要起新房子。储蓄了一辈子,终于可以买几个砖头叠一所房子,但这是不可以的。大队的挖房子人员以及相关工具都被招惹来了。于是一场拉锯斗争就开始了。垒起来的砖头白天被拆掉,半夜里,还得偷偷地争分夺秒地再堆起来,谁的速度快,谁就赢。这叫盖房子吗?谁都知道,这是烧钱。不这样烧钱,你要有办法,也可以选择另外一种烧钱方式:花几十万弄一张许可证。前面邻居家土地上耸起了两幢一模一样的四层洋房,不就是这样耸起来的。饶是如此,你还是得庆幸,至少今天的我们可以这样打仗,今天的我,还可以惬意地在可媲美别墅的房子中悠闲度假打字。总有一天,我们将进入那永无止境的城市机器中,成为一颗不运转不行的螺丝钉。那个时候的你,每天醒来就得算算自己为了床铺付多少钱,烦恼差饷、煤气、水电、交通各种杂费安可得。

你能做什么呢?我只能开始学习那民宿主人,尽量旧物利用家里、手中的每一项物件。

但有多少人愿意这样做呢?你愿意穿五年前的衣服吗?你满足于一年只有两双鞋吗?你可以每日里呆在旧房子里远离所有的诱惑安然度日吗?纵然时代是一股浪潮,我们都得承认,我们是壮大了这浪潮的浪花。阿甲今年赚了三十万,阿乙嫁女儿的嫁妆是五百万,阿丙的儿子上重点中学,赞助费是三万。于是,钱钱钱,每个人都在叫嚣着赚钱花钱,要LV GUCCI,要厦门买房晋江买车。公务员觉得自己穷,老师觉得自己没前途受压迫,农民呢?嗯,读书不在多,关键是要能做生意赚钱啊。于是来香港购物成了最时兴的事,我们都义无反顾地走在一条高度消费的物质享受的路上,心里忐忑自己的没车没房一事无成。体制吗?对。这个政府这个时代最厉害的是,让我们全都如此热爱物质的享受。问问自己:我能抱住自己的心如止水吗?

其实我真高兴经济腾飞。就腾飞吧,因为这个,连我们晋江都有了图书馆。二十年前,要有这么个图书馆,我也不至于捡地上那半片被风吹来的参考消息,津津有味地读字。这些困苦的童年往事,在腾飞的今天回想起来,都渲染了诗篇的美丽,连年少失学四个字说起来也带着调侃。今天的我,已经不能理解2002年的心情了。那年也是这样的暑假,复旦录取通知单上最让我兴奋的一句话是:本校设有勤工助学公司,最低工资每小时6元,当时的我想,真有这么高吗?不会是为了骗我去读书才写的吧。而今,一百块一小时的工作让我光是站着,我也不愿意了。对,这就是拽了,既然经济腾飞了,我要停止这一二十年的勤工助学生涯。连那曾经因为三餐入肚而被我深恶痛绝的地瓜,也成了我对美食的所有期待。

你能说我什么呢?用我爸的话说,我是因为没饭吃又在工厂辛苦过度才长不高的。饿过的我,得高赞经济的腾飞。

管子说:仓廪实而知礼仪,衣食足而知荣辱。我本来也是这套道理的信徒。孟子也说:“无恒产而又恒心者,惟士惟能。”能摆脱形而下直接到达形而上高度的,从来只有皓首穷经的书生做得到。百姓,得先吃饱了饭才行。为了这个,看到洋务运动中以祖宗家法抵抗变法、认为仁义道德可以抵制洋枪礼炮的误国书生们,我也止不住顿脚:平时袖手谈心性,临危一死报君王。只是,我却也深深知道,心性的确不能不谈。耻于谈心性的我们,不小心就会成了“有恒产而无恒心”。我们应该叫谁slow down?这答案可不仅一个。

我在想:你能做什么?在这样的时刻说这样的话?况且,说了一大堆之后,如果只能归于蒙田的“虚空地谈论虚空是最虚空的事”这样的结论,似乎是真虚空。凉风好景,心有愧疚于世界的忙碌,每日里却照旧吃饭睡觉拖地洗衣服。小谢说:“那些因为坚持而锐利的眼神再也回不来”,那是警告。

北冥有鱼,其名为鲲,鲲之大,不知其几千里也。化而为鸟,其名叫鹏,鹏之背,不知其几千里也。怒而飞,其翼若垂天之云。无待而飞者,不可求,既是如此,若真欲适千里,请三月聚粮。

 

 

 

 

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