燈光昏黃,冷氣聲音如同所有的賓館一樣,持續不懈地陪伴著旅人。或者這是這輩子與此地的唯一交集,或者以後將不斷再來這個賓館——這個號稱台灣、甚至是漢學研究最強的學術基地,畢竟還是傳遞了短暫的熱量,讓我一度想要埋頭於研究算了。

只是,這個世界在絢爛或混亂地生長著,人們在歡樂跳躍或愁苦哭泣著,而這裡風光安寧,笑語盈耳,宛如世外桃源,美麗而不真實。靜下心來吧,他們說著,在這個聲光電影的時代,靜下心來吧。是的,可是,然後呢?

一頭深深地埋葬進了無底洞的浩瀚文獻中,再創造出更為浩瀚無底洞的的文獻。十年前,當我還沒看過甚至想過學術研究是甚麼一回事的時候,老師就說:現在文字垃圾太多。等踏足於此,才明白此中多少被無辜揮霍了的汗水。下午在研討會上,看到有與會者幾乎不知道自己在說甚麼,只能硬撐著說下去時,更深深地為此歎息,竟有些不忍起來。說到底,都是為了混口飯吃,不要太苛求於他人,但是,這個世界畢竟是真刀真槍的,沒有功夫只能是這樣。但也許,更多的時候,我埋怨這個領域過於寬容,放入太多不夠資格的人,無益於世之餘,也讓他們無辜地消耗了自己的人生——雖然大多數的工作領域也許如此。這是愛之深、責之切。

我總是太著迷於那些強者了——精神上的強者,如果有甚麼風景夠迷人、可以給人持久的力量,莫過於他們的存在。但只有那麼少的人,可以走到最巔峰。世間的生存哪有如此容易?我們這批常人,活在當下,盡其所能地伸展,本來就夠了,不是嗎?

————————————————————————————————

學術虛無主義者——這是新近得到的稱號。好笑,卻有點準確,回看這段學術研討會感想即知;但學術功利主義者或許更準確。”據說,“不為無益之事,何以遣有涯之生”,說這種話的人估計能好好地轉入某個領域一條巷子走到黑。恕我不能,人生好得很,不必如此打發。

但是呀,批評饾饤之學是很容易的,關鍵是,得有人樹立榜樣。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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