你永遠不會知道,那盒飯已經是第二次做的了。那晚說要做飯時,已經在白天帶著飯盒,跋涉過漫長路途,逛了高樓舊街,到達你居所附近,沒人接電話,最後帶回辦公室吃掉。自己都覺得傻得好笑。再見面時,你身著襯衣,穿過擁擠的車流與人潮,夾帶著早春的料峭,一陣清爽迎面而來。於是,再傻也值得了。

你也永遠不會知道,很多年前,也有這麼一次,在KU校園轉了又轉,站在山路的斜坡鼓起勇氣打電話,卻被告知不在學校。那天傍晚的陽光,溫暖和熙,樹影斑駁。

還有很多像夢一樣輕盈而恍惚的鏡頭,雖真似幻,只有做夢者才知道它們來過,而一旦醒來,卻又什麽都抓不住。

知道對你沒有抵抗力,早早地斷了念頭。肯定是被那晚的海風吹暈了,要不就是之後被你的一句話迷惑了,總之後來竟然跳進了那樣一個劇本,奮不顧身。你幾乎什麽都不用做,就啟動了所有的前塵往事。朋友開玩笑地判你“引誘犯罪”之名,也許有點道理,可是講到底,是我自己將那麼多的鏡頭鋪排成情節。再追究種種,都是無可奈何。說了太久的再見,總會再見。

那麼著了瘋魔,那麼用盡一切地想要靠近你,不願打擾也不想錯過。可勉強總歸是最不美的事。這個延續了太久太久、斷斷續續、重複又重複、卻始終沒有情節的故事,終於還是要劃上句點。若再見面,只能寧靜微笑地看著你,就像望向深秋夜空的星星。

也許我一直猜對了你的好意。終究,你都想了些什麽,我也永遠不會知道。

 

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