33線
午夜三點三十三分，回家後的第一次失眠。公雞已經開始啼叫。
正如我跟侄子說的：千萬別在睡前想你的夢，早上起床再想吧。但我犯了這個錯，結果只能來這裡，否則估計得聽雞叫到天明。
按照順序排下來，你們見證並組成了我過往十年的青春（我何其幸運！）。如果有機會讓你們一臺坐，大概會有個共同結論：十年來的陳亮亮都是同一個人，尤其是她的混亂與無厘頭。
然後我想說：我想改一改了，你們相信嗎？
其實我特捨不得。就說混亂，我簡直不能想像蘇東坡或者莊子先生能朝九晚五井井有條地生活。chaos不是一種生活狀態，倒是種人生態度。自得與平靜、隨遇而安向來是我嚮往的人生境界，太拘牽、規律以至於死板似乎是天生的敵人。於是，構成了你們所熟悉的我的生活：從小學開始就不間斷地無數次的遲到，連火車、飛機都趕不上；一次又一次逃難般地沖往火車站、飛機場，畢業離校甚至連行李都來不及收；沒有證件莽撞地跟政府打交道；坐車做錯方向是常事；忘事丟東西更是家常便飯；每日里當然有無限的死線要沖。大概我足夠幸運，碰上了夠好的環境與夠好的人，結果總是幸運地度過，以致讓我覺得：沒關係，過程也是一種體驗。
回想起來，因著我的混亂，不少人被我連累了。更重要的是，終於我老到開始覺得，這大概有點問題了。活到今天，無論按照主流或者非主流的眼光，我這叫不好也不壞。按我的生活哲學，甚至可稱為悠遊自在。但是，就這樣了嗎？當我拿起筆在紙上寫下自己的想做的事情時，我得承認，我對自己確實沒有對別人好，雖然對他人的事盡心盡力，卻總是馬馬虎虎對待自己想要的東西，結果辜負了愛我與我愛的人。
當然不僅是混亂的問題。按心理專家的分析，我絕對屬於因為自我設限，導致低成就的高潛質族群（Self-limited High Potential Persons,簡稱SLHPP）。想了想，也是。阿Q精神有時被濫用了，就成了這副德性。當然，直到此刻，我還想為懶散、自足常樂的生活辯護，將所有勵志書都認定為是現代社會對人類價生活與價值的奴役，但我終究得承認兩件事：1）過去的經驗證明，爲了輕鬆，結果是沒了生活；2）所謂的自足，在某些事情上總是帶著自我欺騙成份，就這點而言，糖大天同學某次對我的分析還是鞭辟入裡的。
所以，朋友們，我要起航了。不過放心，精神上我還是你們愛著的那個自由混亂自足的我，但生活上她得改一改，更積極一點。梭羅能在瓦爾登湖實驗兩年，那反過來也行的。董大雁大概最欣慰了，苦口婆心這麼多年。廣而告之你們，能共勉的共勉，督促的督促，旁觀的旁觀，該生養娃的也照舊忙去。啥時納悶我沒音訊時，就想著：這孩子在她的人生路上努力著。（董大雁同學跟志丹 @Gold中中中 討教下育兒經吧）。
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