週末的午後
這個看起來如此溫暖愉悅的詞，曾經我那麼接近過。而今，當每一天都可能呈現這樣的歡愉，你卻總在偶爾時刻發問：這一切何以可能？又終將通往哪裡？
華老師回台灣了，真好，看他爸爸。最近沉浸於現代文學的現代性論述中，有時倒真的叩到了生活與人生的本質，然而還是那句話：我們掙脫了所有的枷鎖跳進來，力圖探索生命，結果，卻離生活更遠了。每日到學校，看看書吃吃飯，跟著一群迷惑而單純的人，一起單純地嬉鬧，還有無止境的忙碌。忙碌到不能跟朋友四處晃，忙碌到甚至回家都是奢望。這樣的生活，於我，卻不能算壞，只是，這不能算是一種正常的生活吧？
但或許正常的生活中，我們會浮現更多的存在主義時刻，只是因為更沉重的忙碌抹殺了我們更多的困惑。四年前，也是在這樣的天氣這樣的下午，風扇嘶嘶地響，學生低頭作文，陽光執著但卻無甚力度地探入陰涼的教室，我坐在講臺，悲傷不邀自至，淚水頃然而下，不顧所有困惑的、探索的目光。那幕場景之後，我知道沒有情緒是可以被完全壓抑，在每一個防不勝防的時刻，這些不被召喚的感覺會襲來，反抗這壓榨我們生活與情緒的現代化運程。時代的巨輪滾過去，壓碎我們扁平的臉孔與緊繃的神經，但還留下彌散在空氣中的氣味與喘息聲。
那些溫情脈脈的時刻，從遙遠的今日回望過去，如此甜蜜熟悉而不能靠近。而我執意相信，明日還有這樣的時刻，今日還應該微笑。每一次反省，我寧願寧願這樣執著與執迷，抱著這些質樸而甜美的信念，縱然對於實際事情，這些念頭有時看來如此自欺欺人。
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