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昨日半夜，突然想起研究生有個同學是些詩歌與小説的，順手一搜，竟然找到了他的blog。很奇特，看著一個人的生活經歷與自己竟然是一模一樣。然後在看到這段文字的時候，不能抑制，淚流滿面：
“上星期五，在恒商的最後一個上課天結束了。
我們一起吃了一頓簡單的午飯，愉快地聊天，以歡樂的心情來道別。
「老師，博士是唸什麼的？」
「博士為什麼要唸三年這麼久？」
「老師要找人打字可以找我呀！」
……
我相信，中六四號班將會是我最後一班任教的預科學生。以後再也不會有這樣的機會，站在預科班的課堂上講課，從一個戰略與戰術的角度與學生分析考試，指罵那些總在第一節課吃早餐的學生……這些都是瑣碎而美麗的事，就像那些碎鑽一樣閃出亮麗的光芒。”
宇文所安說，記憶需要一些碎片來召喚。但當碎片召喚出所有的情感的時候，何能自持？我常常以爲，生命總會一路走下去，一路美好。但慢慢，我也開始領悟一些實事，這同時也是一個不斷失去與錯過的路程。
事到如今，壓倒所有感情慢慢呈露出來的，其實是擔心與不安。而當看到還有一群活生生的人那麽執著於行動上的堅持與努力時，尤感慚愧。並沒有結束，還有路途再陪著他們一起前行。我說過，會一直陪在你們左右。只是，不知道該以怎樣一種方式呈現。
ps，當我沉緬於太多的自責與難過時，文字已經完全不能表露我内心的十一。但我感謝這樣的一些文字，被記錄了下來。雖然是借著他人之筆，卻恍如發自我的肺腑。
星期三, 五月 27, 2009
告別的時刻
今天我跟中六四號班的同學道別，告訴他們我明年將要回中大唸書的事實。
我懷著極大的勇氣以此為開場白：「送君千里，終須一別。明年，我將會回中大唸書。」
同學從愕然到不能相信，最終黯然淚下。平常下課前夕的噪動、都歸於沉寂。空氣就像凝固了一樣，和同學木然的眼神那樣，讓人難以直面。
我只能說，這是艱難的決定，我希望大家能夠諒解。明年會有很好的人選接任，絕不在我之下。
我是知道的，在大家毫無心理準備的情況下要接受分離的事實，無論如何都會非常難過。甚至，同學即使諒解我的決定，心裡仍會有些怨恨。
我只能為所有同學送上我寫的一封信，默唸他們每一位的名字。
我是知道的，這一刻，再多的安慰說話，再多的鼓勵，都成了託辭。然而，我只能約各位同學下星期五一起午飯，作為一個告別的姿勢。
對不起，我的中六四號班。
我懷著極大的勇氣以此為開場白：「送君千里，終須一別。明年，我將會回中大唸書。」
同學從愕然到不能相信，最終黯然淚下。平常下課前夕的噪動、都歸於沉寂。空氣就像凝固了一樣，和同學木然的眼神那樣，讓人難以直面。
我只能說，這是艱難的決定，我希望大家能夠諒解。明年會有很好的人選接任，絕不在我之下。
我是知道的，在大家毫無心理準備的情況下要接受分離的事實，無論如何都會非常難過。甚至，同學即使諒解我的決定，心裡仍會有些怨恨。
我只能為所有同學送上我寫的一封信，默唸他們每一位的名字。
我是知道的，這一刻，再多的安慰說話，再多的鼓勵，都成了託辭。然而，我只能約各位同學下星期五一起午飯，作為一個告別的姿勢。
對不起，我的中六四號班。
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